Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | May 4, 2012

The Last Night

I thought things had started to calm down the last two nights.  Leader of the pack had trouble rallying the troops the night before because they were still kind of confused from her being gone the night before that.  I thought whew one more night and it doesn’t seem to be too bad.  Just then I heard her start a speech.  I saw her in the mirror standing on the front room couch with a sword like object/toy in her hand.  She rings out, “Kids, my brothers of the conquest, I would rather fight beside you than any army of thousands.  Let no adult forget how menacing we are!  We are lions!  Do you know what’s there, waiting in the living room?  Victory over parents!  Take it, it’s yours!”  I could not help but notice that is very close to the same speech Achilles gives in the movie Troy when they storm the beach front ofTroy.  Just as I realized that, a spear like object (turns out to be a football) hits me square in the nose.  I am blinded by tears.  I cover my nose and close my eyes and scream “It hurts so bad!”  The smallest of the kids runs behind me crouching down on all fours while the oldest brother comes and shoves me in the chest, catapulting me over her and down on my back.  The youngest boy then shoves a rag over my face with a liquid substance on it.  I think to myself, “Where in the heck did they get chloroform?”  Right before I passed out the leader leans over and says, “I googled and youtubed it.  I learned to make a home made substance.”  How did she know what I was thinking?  When I came to my hands where tied together and stretched over my head and my feet also tied together and stretched straight out.  I could hear a loud semi like truck revving its engine.  The movie The Hitcher! They have copied the movie The Hitcher.  I just peed a little again.  Why does that keep happening to me?  I could feel the ropes pulling tighter and tighter.  Wondering to myself are they really going to do this?  All of the sudden I could hear their laughter.  The leader comes over and says, “We aren’t old enough to drive!  I just had the boys pull on the ropes and had a video of a semi truck revving its engine.  You should have seen the look on your face.”  “Now just say the words and this will all be over with.  Just tell us we are in CHARGE!”  Still tied they come over and one by one give me the Full Metal Jacket treatment of soap inside a towel to the midsection.  I know I have some extra cushioning there but it hurts.  They are screaming “Just say the words!”  The youngest boy stops, which helps because three hurts less than four.  But he comes over pries my mouth open and starts to poor some hot sauce into it.  “Say the words!”  I can’t take it anymore.  I start to speak.  “Ok, Ok.  You…. Are…. in……”  Just then the bell rang, the siren blasted, the alarm went off.  I could see the look in their eyes.  Their powers started to instantly fade.  They look at the clock and they look at me.  This time with a little nervousness in the leader’s voice, “Say the words.”  I look and I could tell they were scared now.  I started to smile and I said, “You are in…..soooooo much trouble now!  Your mother is coming home and she is going to let you have it!”  (Enter my laughter)  They look at each other and then me and then each other again.  The youngest boy immediately lays blame.  “It was all her idea.”  The other 2 quickly agree.  The leader looks at me and says, “I won’t tell mom and the world how much of a wuss you were if you don’t tell her about what we tried to do.  Oh and I also won’t tell her you peed twice in your pants.”  How could I argue with that?  “Deal!”  I said.  Momcation was over and I was saved.  Chalk one up to the super parents again for lasting just long enough to defeat those villainous kids one more time.


The End.


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