Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | May 10, 2012

Men’s Restroom Etiquette and Problems

One thing you get from this is that I have no problem embarrassing myself.

So let’s talk about men’s restroom behavior.  First I will start off by saying I am a private person when using the restroom.  I have found out some people are not.  At first I thought my actions in the restroom were strange and weird until a conversation I had with some other guys.  I came to find out I am not alone on my thoughts and issues.  What is funny is how we came to talk about this subject.  The only thing I can say is that we are men.  The conversation started out about football, which led to movies, which led to our old high school days, which led to men’s restroom usage.  We had all these topics in about 5 minutes.  So the conversations men have and how fast their topics change may be a future post for me.  So back to the restroom issues.

 First thing is that it amazes me what a men’s restroom at a work place or public place looks and smells like.  It is like we forget how to (no other way to say it) pee into the urinal or toilet.  There is stuff on the front of the urinals, around the rim of the toilets, on the floor, and yes sometimes on the wall.  On the wall!  Really!?  How the heck does that happen?  You can not tell me that all these men do this at home.  I do not have one friend or family member whose house is like that.  Is it because we personally don’t have to clean it up and are lazy and just don’t care?  All I can say is thank goodness someone gets paid to clean them.

 Another thing is an untold understanding of restroom etiquette.  We all know as men that if there are 3 urinals and only two guys then you both choose one on the end so the middle is left open.  Why make someone uncomfortable by standing inches away from each other to use the restroom when you don’t have too.  Especially when your thought is, “Is this the guy that might pee on the wall?”  Then you look around and you know if it is you are in his line of fire.  And how do you explain that to your wife when you come out of the restroom?  “Um I don’t know what really happened.  One minute business as usual and then the next this dude just decided I was in his way of the wall and peed on me.  He just looked at me and said, what I can’t help if it is raining in here.”  At least if you keep your one urinal separation you would have a second to get out of the way.  I found that for half the group, they are like me.  I just want to go in and use the restroom.  It is not a conversational area for me.  In fact just having that one guy stand so close to me instead of the one urinal space, makes it hard to go.  Then you throw in talking and it makes it virtually impossible for me to go.  Why?  I have no idea.  I have just been that way all my life and I was glad to find out I am not alone.  Let me give a little example:

 I went into the restroom at a place I worked.  There are three urinals there.  I walk up and go immediately to the farthest one of the left.  Another guy comes into the restroom just as I walk up to my urinal.  I was glad I choose this one because that left him the one on the far right and gives us the space in the middle.  So he comes in and sees me and says hi.  Like I said before I don’t come in to talk.  I want to do my business and leave and I will talk to you as much as you want outside the restroom area.  I did not want to be rude so I said hello.  For most people hello just means hello but this guy took it as an invitation to just start talking.  So the first few seconds now I am already having trouble going.  To make matters worse the guy does not follow etiquette and comes right over to the middle urinal to go.  He now starts a full blown conversation with me.  I have to pee so badly but nothing will happen.  Why?  Because I am a private pee-er (no correct spelling out there).  He is talking and does not get that I am just standing there wanting to go so bad but he is interrupting me.  And to make matters worse I think this guy has held it in all day long because he won’t stop going.  Finally I act like I am done.  I flush and wash my hands as he finishes up and just keeps talking.  We walk out of the restroom still having a conversation when he finally says he has to go back to work.  I am so thankful for this because I now feel like I am going to pee my pants.  He has to go in the opposite direction and through a door to get back into the office.  I slowly walk the opposite way and watch him.  He goes through the door and I immediately turn and almost run back to the restroom.  I once again go to the far left and just hope no one else comes in.  Finally the satisfaction of sweet relief!  I flush and go back to the sink to wash my hands (bear in mind the sink is around the corner from the restroom in an open area) again.  As I start to dry my hands off around the corner comes the same guy who almost made me pee my pants.  And why I could have peed my pants in front of him but not used the urinal beside him is something I have absolutely no idea.  I hurry and throw the paper towel in the sink as he looks over and says, “What you had to go again already?”  I was nervous and didn’t know what to say.  So I did the only thing I could think of at the time and pulled out my pen and said, “No I dropped my pen and came back for it.”  Really? Dropped my pen?  What was I thinking?  I dropped a pen that was in my pocket while I was using the restroom.  Now he is probably thinking I was doing something weird with my pen as I was using the restroom because how on earth is there any other way could I have dropped my pen in there?  He just looks at me strangely and tells me he came back for a Coke.  I say, “Cool” and turn and walk back to my area wondering the whole time what is wrong with me. 

 So until I had this conversation with the guys I thought I was alone but found that half the guys say they have trouble going when people are talking to them.  That makes me feel better.  So if you run into someone who refuses to acknowledge your hello’s while using the restroom, just remember it probably isn’t because they are being rude but because they just want to go to the restroom without any disruption.  So lessons are:  Hit the mark, clean up if you miss, when possible give a one urinal space between each other, and no talking.   We are men and it’s not a woman’s restroom!  Do your business and leave, or what’s next, asking your buddy if he wants to potty with you.  Please let’s not go down that road! 


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