Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | May 14, 2012

Love and Marriage

This is something I posted on facebook and decided to also share with the world.


Our dictionary’s definition of love- An emotion of strong affection and
personal attachment

But I ask you this: Is love not more of a choice rather than just an
emotion? Is love something we can fall into and out of? Or is it
something we can or can not work on?

In 1 John 4:16 it says, God is love. So if we take what the bible says
and what our dictionary says, then according to our dictionary God is
just emotions that is constantly changing since what we call and define
love constantly changes. We say we can fall in love and we can fall out
of love. But there is one problem with that. God never changes. And
if God is love then that means love should never change either. So love
can not be just an emotion but also a decision that requires
unconditional commitment. God is love and because he lives in us he
expects us to die to our flesh and demonstrate His unconditional love to
our spouses. He expects us to be a walking and talking definition of

So let me ask another question. What kind of love do we love our kids
with? I would say and think all will agree, we love our kids
unconditionally. We do not, not love them when they mess up and then
love them when they do well, or not love them when they hurt our
feelings or we feel stressed out about our own life because it is not
going our way and then love them only when they do things for us or our
life is right. We choose to love them no matter what they do or who
they are. We shelter them when they are hurt, comfort them when they
are sad, and hold them when they are scared. We laugh with them when
they are happy, excited for them when they do something right, and love
them at all times with out condition. While we have emotions about
situations with our kids that make us angry, upset, joyful, etc. we
never stop loving them. We choose to do that.

So why then don’t we make that same choice with our spouses? Why do we
take our vows under God, who is love, and then choose not to love them
or show them that love that God expects of us. Why do we not honor the
parts of: for worse, poorer, and sickness. What happened to “to love
and to cherish, until death do us part” and “I will love you and honor
you all the days of my life?” Why do we not love our spouse with the
same unconditional love that we do with our children? Why do we let our
emotions help us make that decision? Look at all the emotional
decisions you have ever made. How many of them came out they way you
thought they would or should? Emotions are always changing which make
emotional decisions also irrational decisions.

You know they say our divorce rate in America is at 50%. How accurate
that is I don’t know but whatever the number is, it is too high. I know
some situations call for divorce; abuse, addiction, and adultery. While
you could still choose to love that person then you are also saying you
are not worth being loved because the ones who do those things don’t
love you. And everyone deserves being loved. All I am asking is to
think about how you came to your decision. Is it an emotional choice?
Is it even a rational choice? Is the emotional choice of making this
decision worth losing everything that was built from unconditional love?
The vows taken, whether religious or not, when getting married are not
to be broken. We are choosing to spend a lifetime with that person
through good and bad times, and we can no longer let emotions take
control of our love for one another. Just look at how we love our
children and that is how we should love our spouse too. That brings
greater joy than any emotion could ever give us.



  1. So true, love this …. how wise you are!

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