Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | July 30, 2012

The Itsy, Bitsy Spider

So I am in the living room with my wife and teenage daughter.  My wife and I are on the love seat and my daughter is lying down on the full size couch to our left covered up with a blanket.  The three of us are intently watching a movie.  All of the sudden to our left we see a body fly into the air, like a cat does when you scare the crap out of it.  As she is flying in the air you see her legs kicking, the blanket come flying off, and her arms franticly brushing her shoulders and her hair.  The whole time she is yelling, “Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!”  Her face has this frightening look like she had just seen a ghost.

She lands back down on the couch and pops up to her feet.  She runs over to the edge of the love seat to where my wife is sitting still yelling, “Oh crap” and frantically brushing her hands through her hair and on her shoulders and back.  Then in a move I did not see coming, my daughter leans her head and shoulders over my wife’s lap and is yelling, “Get it off!  Get it off!”  This instantly puts my wife in freak out mode and she rises from the couch like she has a jet pack on and flies over to the other side of the room taking out anything in her way.  My wife is yelling, “What is it?  What is it?”  My daughter replies, “It was a spider!  A daddy long leg and I hate spiders!”

My wife’s frantic look has now turned to the angry Homer Simpson look as he gets ready to choke out Bart.  She yells, “and you thought to come over to me and try and brush it off on me!?”  “What the hell were you thinking?”  I am sitting there, like the innocent spectator I was, just holding my breath waiting for my daughter’s answer.  “I DON’T LIKE SPIDERS!” she screams.  Oh that was not the answer my wife was looking for.  I sat there and thought how funny that was.  That someone who hated spiders jumped up and for some unknown reason tried to brush it off of her and on to another person who can’t stand spiders.  My wife was very upset by that answer.  “So you think that the best way to get the spider off of you is to run over to me and try and brush it off?  That was just plain mean and so disrespectful.”  At this point I wished that I had a bowl of popcorn because this was every bit as good as the movie.  My daughter then freaks out again throwing her fingers through her hair and asking if it was off of her.  Of course her mother was like you just stay away from me or you are going to sleep with the spiders.  Oh how funny my wife is when she makes remarks that she won’t keep to.  I told her it was not on her that she must have knocked it off when she first slapped her shoulder.

Things finally calmed down and my wife and daughter finally sat back down so we could resume watching our movie.  Since we never found the spider, I could not help but to think somewhere in our house that spider went back and was eight leg strutting it around his friends and telling them, “See I told you those giants would be scared of little old me.  Now the deal was if they screamed you owed me one fly each, so pay up.”


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