Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | August 29, 2012

“Stop the car now!”

So there we are leaving work.  I am driving and she is just relaxing, almost falling asleep and we had only left work about 2 minutes ago.  We like to pretend she has a thing called carcolepsy.  It is where as soon as she enters the car she falls asleep.  Amazing enough that has never happened though when she has to drive herself.  Hmm, wonder if I am missing something?

It is a Friday and it is a beautiful blue sky, not to hot, window down in the car kind of day.  While she is trying to sleep I annoy her by asking her dumb questions just to keep her awake.  Finally I quit and all you hear is the wind and the cars as we drive down the road.  All is calm when all of the sudden she sits up screaming; “You have to stop!  You have to stop!”  My first reaction was catching my heart as it seem to be coming out of my chest and running away scared as hell.  My first thought was, “I do not remember hitting one of those Amish buggies.  Wouldn’t I have felt it if I did?”  So I glanced in the review mirror and sure enough no buggy debris or anything else besides a line of cars behind us.  Now she is screaming, “Stop the damn car now!”  At the same time she is doing this I see her bouncing up and down and back and forth in the seat.  No she wasn’t bouncing for the fun of it or because she had to pee really badly, she was bouncing because she was trying to jump out of her seat but the seatbelt kept pulling her back down.  Now I am thinking “Where the heck does she think she is going to go if she does get out of the seat, we are still driving down the road at 60mph?”

Next thing I know she is throwing punches and slaps into thin air.  Now I am getting scared because she must be seeing a ghost.  I do not see it but she definitely has to be seeing it.  Then I thought maybe she is asleep and having a nightmare.  So I yelled over and said, “Honey are you awake?  What is going on?”  She was awake because she grabbed my shirt and pulled me as far over as my seatbelt would allow, looked my in the eyes, and with a demonic voice said, “Pull this car over now!”  I swear her eyes turned red just like Michael J. Fox’s did in Teen Wolf.

I tell her I have no where to pull over.  There is a drainage ditch on the right side of the road, car after car coming from the opposite direction, no road or driveway to turn onto, and a line of cars behind us.  Now panic has set in and she is waving her arms and legs all over the place.  She still hasn’t realized she is seat belted in and no matter how much she tries she will not get out of the seat until she unbuckles herself.  I am thinking, oh crap she has gone to crazyville now!  Up and down, back and forth, one arm circling forward, one arm circling backward, one leg kicking at the dash, and the other leg kicking at the seat.  All of this while she is screaming, “Stop the car, stop the car, stop the car.  Get it, get it, get it!”

At about this point I am about to stop in the middle of the road and just take off running through the fields because the only thing left is for her head to start spinning around.  At about that moment I finally caught what it was, as it came out of the darkness below the glove box.  I looked at it and then I looked at her.  She saw it too and now she was paralyzed with fear.  She was not moving a muscle, not even to blink.  At one point I thought she might have been holding her breath.  As it got closer her eyes got bigger.  I am watching and wondering what is going to happen next.  We are coming to a stop at a stop sign when I see her hand slowly moving for the door handle.  I don’t know what she thought she was going to do because her other hand was not reaching for the seat belt and I was not going to unbuckle her just because I wanted to see what would happen. 

The car comes to a stop and it makes eye contact with her.  Now she is frozen stiff again.  It looks at her and then I swear it looks at me and with telepathy says, “Good luck with this one buddy!” and it jets out the window.  Yes it was a mighty, all-powerful, killer insect…the honey bee.  I knew my wife didn’t like bees but this took it to a whole new level.  Lesson learned.  Drive with windows up while she is in the car because I would hate for her to remember to unbuckle first the next time.

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Responses

  1. Poor Mariah! Oh my goodness!

  2. I know that every word in this story is true. I’ve seen what happens when bees happen her way…it is a scary bee trance dance!! ❤ you guys! ~Jessie


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