Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | October 31, 2012

Besides My Child Getting Sick Or Hurt, This Is The Scariest Thought I have As A Father

I have been thinking about this for a while.  As a man there is one thing that parents don’t tell you as you are growing up.  They may give hints or bring it up in a round about way but they never come out and directly tell you.  If they tell girls I don’t know, but it seems like they already know or maybe something happens to their genes or DNA once they become pregnant. 

Boy’s parents will tell them what ever is needed to make sure they become a tough man.  That doesn’t mean they can’t be romantic, caring, or loving.  It just means they grow up and some stuff just doesn’t bother them the way it bother’s a woman.  Most women will cry at the drop of a hat if they are sad, but men will hold it in to the best of their ability until they no longer can.  As these men grow up and become fathers they then teach there kids the same things and also skip telling the boys what will be the scariest part of their lives just as their parents did. 

So, I will tell you all that there is one thing that a man can’t fight, can’t talk their way out of, and can’t ignore.  Besides your child becoming sick, it is the one thing that terrifies a father the most. 

It is your children getting older, becoming more independent, and only a few years away from moving out.  This thought alone has kept this father up many of nights.  The thought that one day your house will be empty of the everyday laughing, arguing, and hustle and bustle. 

Our whole lives we can’t wait to grow up and become independent men.  We look forward to finding that one woman who will become our wife, bear our children, and grow old with us.  As men and fathers we look forward to so much except for this one thing. 

I know for me that the thought of my children growing up and moving away makes my heart hurt.  I know this is the circle of life and everyone that has children has to go through this, but in no way does that make this any easier.  You can have the whole world tell me that everything will be alright and that life goes on, but it won’t stop the pain.  The pain of knowing that someone won’t come up to you and say, “Dad she won’t leave me alone,” or “Dad he broke my toy.”  The thought that one day there will be no one to yell at to calm down, quit fighting, and leave each other alone. 

I know our parents tell us to enjoy the moments we have with them and our wives tell us to hold them, play with them, and spend as much time as we can with them (because again it is like they know in advance something we do not yet think about or feel).  As your kids get older you do regret the little things that you stopped doing because you thought they got to big or to old.  Those regrets do nothing but pile up over the years for all of us, because we get to busy, lazy, or just can’t for some reason.  I know this happens to mothers too and that the feelings I am having, my wife is having also.  All of that said I could spend every second of every day with my kids and the thought of them one day leaving the house would still hurt. 

As a father my life is based around my kids.  You have practices, games, school functions, birthdays, dr. visits, and so much more.  A father’s life, as well as a mother’s,  get so consumed doing things for them and with them that once that thought of, “one day and one day soon my kids will leave this home,” enters your mind it is all over.  The regrets become bigger, the pain becomes more hurtful, and reality sets in.

Part of me wishes I never had to feel this hurt but the other part of me is so thankful that I do.  Feeling the sadness helps me know that I am not just going through the motions of having children, raising them, and letting them loose into the world with no care at all.  Instead it means that I am alive and God’s greatest gift of love is alive in me.  That the fear and worry I feel comes from my desire to keep them safe and sound.  The hurt and pain I feel when I think about them moving out and on with their lives, mean that life and love was abundant in our home.

I am filled with life because of my kids.  I am filled with love because of my kids.  I am so thankful and blessed because God has allowed me to have a life full of love with my kids.  I know as they continue to get older I will make mistakes and have regrets but I also know that the love I have for them and that they have for me will always overcome any regret, pain, or sorrow. 

So as the years come and they one by one leave the house I will be sad, I will hurt, and I will most likely cry.  I will also know that because of them I knew happiness, I knew laughter, I knew tears of joy, and I knew love. 

To my four kids; I love and cherish you with all my heart!

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