Posted by: husbandandfatheroffour | July 10, 2013

Raccoon? Possum? Or Zombie?

It does not matter what time it is, there is never a dull moment in our house.  This particular event happened a little after three in the morning.  I will first tell you that at this time our air conditioner was not working so we had all the windows in the house opened and fans either in the window or in front of the window to help keep the house cool during the night.  I woke up at 3A.M. and I was hot and had to use the restroom.  After using the restroom I decided to go into the living room and lay on the couch for a bit because the fan in window was pulling in nice cool air and it was pointed right at the couch.  As my head hit the pillow and the cool air from the fan flowed over me I instantly started to fall asleep. 

Just as I am about to fall into that deep sleep I hear a Jamie Lee Curtis type of blood curdling scream.  At the same time I hear this mean deep growl, but not that of a dog.  Whatever it was it sounded mean!  I popped right up from the couch and knew immediately that it was all coming from our room.  I try to start running but with the wood floors we have it felt as my feet were doing the Tom and Jerry running where their feet are moving as fast as they can but they aren’t moving.  There are more screams and now my body has actually started to move towards that room.  With all our windows open my only thought was that a raccoon or possum got through the screen and is now attacking my wife. 

As I get into the kitchen my mind quickly wonders if I should stop and grab a knife.  If I stop and grab one then that means what ever animal is attacking her gets in a few more digs but if I don’t I get there a few seconds earlier and then I could be scratched and bitten.  Then what if this animal is infected with something and that is why it came through the screened in window and now we are both cut and bitten and infected with whatever it has.  What if the infection was something the doctors couldn’t cure and we become the first zombies of the world and we are the cause of the whole zombie apocalypse?  As I decided that maybe I should go ahead and grab a knife because I don’t want to be responsible for ending the human race and making everyone zombies I realized it was to late.  The growling was getting louder and the shadow on the wall was getting closer and bigger. 

As the shadow got closer my mind changed directions and thought maybe this wasn’t a raccoon or possum because it seemed like the shadow was too big.  Maybe it was a zombie and we were its first victims.  Now I know I should have grabbed a knife because we all know the only way to kill a zombie is shooting it or stabbing it through the head.  Again she screamed and I wondered why because the thing was coming towards me now.  The only thing I could think of was that she was turning into a zombie now.  So now my odds just got worse because I am going to have to fend off two of them.  The growl got louder and I could tell it was going to come right into the doorway in a split second and I needed to figure out what I was going to do.  So I did what any rational parent would do and as it came in front of me into the doorway I yelled  “HEY!” as deeply and loudly as I could while smacking my hands together.  I figured it works on the kids when they aren’t listening maybe this would work on it too.

First I was surprised that when it came around the corner it was much smaller than I though, about the size of a raccoon.  Secondly I was just as surprised when that noise made the shape split into two separate shapes.  Once they were separated I could tell what they were.  They were our 2 dumb cats that for some reason and for the first time decided they were going to fight.  Like they each had this pent up rage and tonight was the night they let it all out.  My wife then comes to the bedroom door and asks what it was.  Our kids were awakened by her screaming and our oldest daughter yelled from up stairs asking what was going on.  I told her everything was alright and that it wasn’t a zombie and they were safe.  I told my wife that it was our two cats fighting.  My wife couldn’t believe it and said they just started growling and were all over the room and she was sure that it was a raccoon or something chasing the cats.

Finally everything calmed down and we all went back to bed.  I know it was just our cats that were fighting, but that didn’t stop me from sleeping with one eye open making sure my wife still didn’t change into a zombie because of being scratched or something. 

After this event was over it did leave me to wonder one thing:  Do I watch too many zombie movies or play to much “zombies” on Call of Duty?    

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